Circumnavigating Turbulence
When it comes to peacefully parenting teenagers and ushering them into maturity, proactively and preemptively deciding to reject disconnect, confusion, frustration and misunderstanding seems like a no-brainer. In reality, we’re all human beings who live with and around other human beings, and our fall back state, if we’re not vigilant to avoid it, seems to be one of immediate offence and self focus. How does this make me look? How does this make me feel? This is unfamiliar and scary. Why are my teenagers doing this to me?! Perceiving the home as a spiritual rock polisher is often helpful...I have the opportunity to have my sharp places and dullness removed as a result of regular proximity, constant growth and action. It’s all about choices and ways of seeing.
When it comes to this people group and the ones who love them, we’ve got to pick a lane; Wisdom or Freak Out? Our human propensity for freak out is merely a manifestation of our own pain, fear and/or insecurity combined with the constant dark projections of a world focused on the worst case scenario and the added pressure of overseeing the very ordinary growth of people who have one foot in adventure, questing,individuality and possibility and the other in the desire for safe, familiar parental love and touch. “What if?” often screams the loudest when we aren’t habitually and faithfully requesting wholeness and intervention purely for the sake of natural releasing, beauty, relationship and mystery for our kids rather than line towing, religious, man pleasing behaviour that makes us somehow think we look like successful parents.
Praying, modelling and speaking the incredible revolutionary freedom of the Source of All Things for my kids really has changed the game over here, not only for them, but for my own heart and for our relationships as well. Intervention, Peace, Realignment and a further beckoning into the mystery and multi faceted realms of Jesus gives us parents authentic, fear free fascination and faith and gets us out of the way in order to give Him the time and space required to allow Him to operate in the lives and spirits of our kids. When we’re in love with Him, we’re attached to Him. When we’re attached to Him, we can access His beautiful mind frame of security and possibility. In His presence it’s impossible to freak out.
Wisdom, on the other hand, is the zeal for knowledge and understanding accompanied by the flexibility and instinct to apply it in real time, with real people. Being desirous of wisdom opens us up to discernment with regards to communication; What would be helpful to say or do in this situation? “What does my kid need from me right now?” cancels out “What would feel good to unleash on them right now?”. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” “Do you just want to sit with me and be still?” “Let’s go for a walk.” “Can I please just hug you?” “I’ll just let you be alone. Please alert me when you’re ready to talk. No pressure.” “I apologize.” “I love you.”
Strategy-wise, wielding the Word and understanding that it actually does the work is so liberating and exciting. Proverbs is the play book for wisdom, full of inspiration and promise. When you PLAN for peace, you’re filled with Joy...when I anticipate, expect and receive peace for my family and for myself, I am filled with the wholeness and satisfaction of God. He loves us. He’s here.That’s enough.
To be wise is to be teachable, open, unafraid of dialogue or process. The lovers of God who converse with Him are filled with good ideas and strategies for healthy relationships. We’re invited to be filled with loving words and positive perceptions. Our kindness and open hand attract favour and blessing. We become completely empowered for abundant living in every facet of our lives as a result of attempting to speak and behave the way Jesus does.
A desire and zeal for Wisdom causes us to become reservoirs of understanding, energized with explosive power and stamina, infused with strength and overflowing with gratitude. It shifts our vision from one of fearful, clenched paranoia into one of unshakeable belief in the oversight and incredible redemption of Jesus for every single person. He waits patiently with an open heart for everyone, no matter what. Our teenagers aren’t ever out of His sight. He holds so much mercy for them and for us in our shared humanity. His timing is His own and it’s perfect. He longs to lead us into deeper depths of mercy and compassion and to display His wonders. He celebrates our identities and loves when we call one another higher from a place of sweetness, not alarm, frustration, self consciousness or panic.
His strategies and problem solving abilities are unparalleled and completely available. His perceptions are perfect and often turn what we thought of as problematic or troublesome upside down. When we see the Good and reinforce it, via our words, prayers and choices, His plans and purposes become more visible. His Hope and foresight are unleashed into our lives and the lives of our kids. Jesus, we want to see and think the way You do, especially about our kids! We want to embody Your welcoming spirit and let every part of us engage with Your feelings for them!
Often, a mindful rejection of the negativity and lies that we are tricked into telling ourselves about our kids, and the things that concern or bother us about them is extraordinarily helpful. “I decide and choose to see my kids the way You do. 100%.” This doesn’t mean that we aren’t able to see their humanity, struggle, dumb decisions or fallibility...we just see it through the lens of Heaven and apply, and bathe it in prayer and thanksgiving for the privilege of bringing all junk to the feet of Jesus and straight up leaving it there. All screw ups become testimony and authority and inform a grateful heart when we’ve apologized and He’s cleaned it up.
Daily reinforcing their value, no strings attached, and connecting in a fresh way goes a long way to build trust and friendship. Praying prayers of comfort, edification and exhortation with one another, for one another, every morning allows them to flex that muscle of compassion for us. Private, intimate prayers free of manipulation and/or religious posturing are so deep and open such a well of possibility and receptivity. His reality is free to flow. Their very specific identities as kings and priests within their sphere is solidified. Self worth and empathy are reinforced. God celebrates and speaks. We stand back and stop attempting to dominate and puppet master, and are refreshed and released from the captivity of control. Everybody wins.
We can’t be afraid of these precious ones, or the journeys they’re on. They are going to make wrong turns, bad calls and uncomfortable choices. Our job is to be there. Pray. Speak life and hold the space. Our love is miniscule and conditional in comparison to their Fathers’. Let’s decide to trust it and live from it. He is pure Goodness and His love never fails, forsakes, leaves the building, looks away, gives up or checks out, no matter how obnoxious or scary things get. It’s real and it’s perfect, so let’s believe in it for our incredible, wild teenagers.
