The Legacy of a Sound Mind

Prior to sitting down to compose this post, and as the result of a momentary and shockingly negative, uncomfortable and very temporary deep dive into insecurity and fear, I was reminded of a question Miranda posed recently; ‘what is my legacy?’. 

The goal of my life is to live authentically with my people, and to be my true and genuine self. No hiding, no dishonesty and no false identity, particularly when it comes to walking alongside my partner and my children. In wondering what I left behind me yesterday, what I will leave behind me next year, and how I will be remembered long after I’m gone by my family, I was left pondering my own legacy. What am I currently building with my process that is my children’s inheritance? What is the gift that I give in the now and that I leave for the future?

When we all sit and remember and laugh and mull over the memories together, there are genuine treasures of sweet times, frustrating and negative experiences that I long to be able to erase and do over, and wild and impactful things that I have zero recollection of but are so dear when I hear my kids narrate their experiences of. This is so valuable, to have the trust of these people, who feel safe enough to share the joy and triumph of childhood, but also the hurt and pain that has long been forgiven, but is important to sift through and remember in order to never replicate. Often the negative souvenirs are things like me having exploded over something as trivial as misplaced library materials, which to an adult who is carrying a baby on her hip, keeping a toddler alive, and trying to be the best person she can be to other big and not so big people, is kind of par for the course, but to a child is scary and seared into the memory bank. Ouch.

I want the legacy that I leave to be one of candid processes. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I want to model, to the very best of my abilities, a ferocious and active intention to reject and dismantle a spirit of fear, and an embrace and openness to power, love, self control and a sound mind. This is never an overnight miracle, but a journey of grace. 

My declaration and decision is to leave in my wake, for generations, the Legacy of a Sound Mind. I choose to cultivate the habits of active and evolving kindness and compassion for myself and for others. I choose to run hard after hunger and curiosity for and about my Creator, I choose to be dogged in my friendship and openness to Him and build the interior infrastructure necessary to be the Real Me. I understand that my God given identity is an advancing and blossoming process that I can then model and share with my family. 

I daily remind myself of my value and beauty, inside and out. I firmly decide to speak with honour about my intelligence, abilities and specific talents and I refuse to stress about human time. My course is continually guided by the One who never sleeps, who performs so many staggering acts of Justice per millisecond that we cannot possibly perceive His goodness and focus. I refuse to channel any doubt as to my merit or design. 

Day after day I speak the Word like medicine over my mind and the minds of my family. I ask for wisdom with regards to my nourishment, body, mind and spirit. I set my mind like flint on the horizon, while still retaining the ability to revel in the present without shame or parental freak outs. He is in control. When we keep returning,  when we keep asking, keep trusting, keep applying Jesus and when we don’t quit, we win. 

Negative self talk will never perpetuate a culture of value and honour within your family culture. You hold the power to change the course of history with your decisions, your habits and your way of speaking to and about yourself. You are created for such a time as NOW, and your purpose is to love and be loved as you move through your life with wisdom and authority. As you pick up and put down tasks, assignments and jobs, you cling to the only Rock worthy of seeing you through with flying colours. Our access to power and triumph is as big or as small as we want it to be. 

Give yourself permission to grow. Search yourself. What are you interested in? What do you care about? It doesn’t matter if anyone else cares about it one iota. Nobody in my family is interested in shark behaviour and that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Sharks matter to me. Big time.

As a result of a deep desire to inhabit my world well and to leave memories of Sam/Mom as a person who was always busy BEING, I have spent the last fourteen months creating habits with God that will further inform my mental health and spiritual maturity and echo into eternity. It is eminently doable. 

At the beginning of my walk into/with prayer and intercession in 2009, it was ultra boring, but the promise was, if I stuck with it, conversation and openness to the Holy Spirit would launch me into vistas and experiences that would change the course of my life and the lives of my family members. If I sat and meditated with Scripture, it would open to me and become a crazy paradox of solid and never changing, yet constantly brand new information and revelation that was always applicable to my specific situations. The intentions and habits begun over a decade ago, and honed and focused on hard this year have opened a door that can never be shut. Struggle with identity is fleeting and obvious. I know what I have to do. Any attack, any attempt to rob me of my birthright is one choice away from being banished into oblivion. My mind is a garden that I get to release from futility and stagnation over and over and over again. 

I choose a sound mind. I choose a deep, undisturbed, secure and healthy mind. I access the Mind of Jesus; the most positive, free, flexible, clever, sharp mind that has ever existed. How miraculous is that, that we have direct access to a mind that is constantly advocating, never foggy, tired or depleted? 

This is my legacy; a mind drenched in the Blood, informed by Jesus, taught by the Holy Spirit, and curated and calmed by my Father. I’ve messed up a ton as a partner and parent, but the greatest miracle of all is the constant do over. He keeps feeding my brain and inspiring my learning, facilitating and modelling. He never fails to energize, stimulate and encourage me, even in the pockets that still need help and still hold onto stuff they don’t need. He is Process and Mercy. 

I come back again and again to the last line in Mary Olivers’ poem The Summer Day: 

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

Or, in the words of Oscar Wilde: Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.