Thanks.
For so long I’ve known that it’s both good and right to see/speak to and think about myself the way the One who made me does. I know with my brain, have faith in my spirit and I speak with my mouth that I am precious, beautiful, crafted meticulously and loved, beyond fiercely by an uncreated, unparalleled and masterful Artist who is wise and clever beyond comprehension. Knowing and speaking my own worth and beauty is wildly different from actually experiencing, inhabiting and believing in it myself.
Born in 1970, I came of age in the ‘80’s. A time like all other times, when female ‘hotness’ and homogeneity was paramount. A tiny body, symmetrical face and flawless skin was the script we were all reading from, regardless of chosen subculture or ancestral background. It was a time in which intense scrutiny was the norm for us ladies, and we absorbed and internalized the pressure and our brains called it normal. This is tragic to me, and I wish I could travel back in time to that gorgeous little fourteen year old who thought she was gross, fat and disgusting and lavish her with confidence and reassurance. At fifty, it was enough already! Looking back at photos of myself at twenty and appreciating how lovely I was made me draw a line in the sand. There’s no WAY that at seventy, I want to look at myself at fifty and regret not appreciating the body, face and life I’d been gifted. Climbing out of that pit seemed simple enough to do intellectually, but what do you do when you KNOW what’s true, you KNOW what’s a lie, you can articulate and call it all out, but your heart doesn’t seem able to receive it and it doesn’t reside inside of you on a level that just lets you be free? My ability to see and perceive of myself the way my Creator did and does HAD to happen! I needed healing.
The Lord subtly and quietly dropped the concept of Gratitude into my lap….again. I’d researched, delved into and applied it before, thanks to a handful of wise women who turned me onto it...this time, He wanted that beam of gratitude aimed squarely at my own heart.
I began to thank Him profusely for things I wasn’t thankful for in the slightest; my hips, my thighs, my bum, my stomach, even the bags underneath my eyes...evidence of long nights of care and commitment when little people needed me. Every day. I recorded my Gratitude and found unplumbed depths of reasons to love and appreciate my once scorned parts. I found verses that highlighted the incredible benefits of praise and thanksgiving and saw as if for the first time the warning in Romans 1:21...The perils of a life devoid of gratitude. I wanted a living, vital and robust heart that was capable of mighty love. For others and for myself.
I began to see the worth, the beauty, the great gift that is my central nervous system, my heart, my lungs, my ability to walk, to talk, to see, to interact with people, etc...It went on and on, gratitude engendering tremendous depths of gratitude that, in turn, caused me to see and react differently.
God told me to MAGNIFY Him and to express praise for His creation...me! He is teaching me about thanking Him with my WHOLE HEART; the totality of my being, and I feel it burning, realigning, sometimes heavy, sometimes light...coming alive and overflowing with gratitude and vibrancy. Focus, intention and purpose magnify! I choose to see His great worth and oversight and begin to see clearly how I’ve been affirmed, loved, held and supported over all of the years of my life.
Focusing on the Good, the Positive and the Utter excellence of God and His way of operating, choreographing and organizing my life in surprising and edifying ways builds my mental, physical and spiritual infrastructure; my interior build the facilities and engineering that are required in order for me to live my life in a healthy, positive and successful way.
The more I thank Him over and over for love, patience, self control, mental flexibility, for newfound feelings of calm, peace, purpose, connectedness, and beauty, and the more I receive those truths and the more real they become. The more I focus on and thank Him for the myriad of beautiful things that I see in my kids, the more they come to the fore and manifest! The more I pour out praise and gratitude for the faithful, loyal, beautiful person that He chose to be my partner, the more I see Tyler well and want to be kind and loving towards him. It’s so easy to park on the negative. It takes intentional vision and time to cultivate flourishing, alive and blessed relationships, but in the habit forming and the pragmatism, there’s simplicity, radical healing and truth.
The more I thank Him for the things in me that others claim to see but I couldn’t as a result of culture, lies, toxic media and, through no fault of my own, an inability to hear truth from the One who made me, the smaller and more insignificant the ungodly beliefs become. It’s like they’re in a rear view mirror and I’m driving away from them.
Gratitude brings it into focus. The MORE I’m able to love, honour and appreciate myself and see myself well, the less it matters! As my internal real estate gives Him more space and expands to include the More, which is inexhaustible, the more He increases and my unhealthy beliefs dwindle, the healthier I become in my vision and my self talk.
The space once occupied with obsessive and critical self focus and doubt is now wide open for Truth to flood in and save me all over again from the inside out. Radical renovation and restoration! A project that He adores and can’t wait to begin. I envision Him rubbing His hands together in anticipation of the outrageously beautiful work that is about to begin…
As a result of this ongoing project, one of two things has happened, and I couldn’t care less which one it is, I’m just so thankful for the result! Either; as a result of loving myself well and being present for myself and aware of my own feelings, wants and proclivities, I have begun to make smarter, kinder and more nourishing choices with regards to food, exercise, rest, time and self talk, or as a result of my vision for myself being radically healed, the way I see myself has changed utterly. I can see what others have said that they see for literally decades. I am healthy, beautiful, vital and interesting looking. My body is strong, lovely and has carried seven children and birthed five. What a tremendous privilege and blessing. How could I possibly denigrate a vessel that’s accomplished that?
Love is the bottom line. We are created for Love and we can love others well and lavish strangers and friends with compassion, empathy, charity and wholehearted passion and at the same time neglect our own gardens to such an extent that we become broken husks, incapable of seeing the beauty and worth that others see so readily. It’s time to swing those windows and doors WIDE open and receive the fresh, restorative and healing breath of God for ourselves and speak truth to ourselves. To change the game with kindness and to make friends with our own minds and thoughts. GRATITUDE IS THE KEY to these places within, and it can begin so simply and so humbly with one simple ‘thanks’ today. It is contagious and it causes germination, growth, flourishing and blooming. Be released from futility! Today is your day! You were made for such a time as this! Don’t waste it believing any kind of lie about yourself. Start tiny and you’ll grow a garden whose fruit will amaze you!
God, THANK YOU for the abundant life that You lavish us with. I declare clarity of vision, mercy, compassion, empathy, forgiveness and healing in the realm of self awareness, self consciousness, and preoccupation and dissatisfaction with the bodies and faces that You’ve meticulously crafted and gifted to us! Radical vision shift, truth and healing come now into all of our parts and grow these gardens in Jesus name! Where You are, there is freedom beyond our wildest imaginings. I speak and declare FREEDOM, gratitude and appreciation into and over you right now, in Jesus’ Name! Amen.
