Choosing to be Parented
Parents of young kids often ask me what they ‘should’ be doing with their kindergarten aged child/children. What sort of curriculum, strategies, classes, philosophies they should be buying, adhering to, partaking of and participating in. My response has always been, and will continue to be: Cultivate Character and relationship! Encourage Identity and express deep love and openness.
Modelling, operating in and from a place of kindness, compassion, courtesy, respect and honour has been paramount in my home from the very beginning. Treating my kids the way I believe God does and choosing, moment to moment, to see, speak to, touch and behave towards them the way He does has been an absolute game changer. I am by no stretch of the imagination even remotely good at it, but I’m committed to it. Doing this and feeling this way may seem a lofty, unattainable, ‘too little or too late’ type of goal, but I assure you; it is ready and waiting for you to access and apply, fail at, and then activate again and again.
Every day I choose to be open to and receive the unconditional love that my Father has for me. I articulate that to Him in the morning before I do/say anything! It was a long and winding road for me to be able to see God as a good Dad. I had/have a great Dad, so I didn’t think I needed to relate to God that way. What appealed to me about Him was (is) His tenacity, ferocity, His power, activity and wildness. The Power and the Glory, the Great I Am. These characteristics speak very directly to a crucial component of both His and my spiritual DNA and they’re real, valid and important. But over time, and through a series of stressful events, I came to understand that God is THE parenting prototype. He just IS a Dad.
To many, the concept of ‘Father’ is, at best, unrelatable, and at worst; horrific, triggering and unimaginable. I get it. Many of my close friends have walked through and survived unspeakable childhoods. That doesn’t change the fact that God just is who He says He is. He is your perfect parent. He puts you first every time. His oversight is unwavering, even when we decide that He’s dropped the ball. He is connected and full of conversation. He isn’t ever reactive or rude. He is beyond patient with us, celebrates every small triumph and collects our tears and walks us through the rough stuff every time.
He is capable, available, present, encouraging, fierce, protective, unoffendable and loves our process. Never manipulative or fearful. Never insecure or controlling. He loves when we try, when we fail and when we turn to Him in order to explore our identities and to inform us about how we’re wired.
This is the type of parent I aspire to be. This is where I start, every time. I want to enjoy my children and model behaviour that will help them to be enjoyed and appreciated as the people they are here to be. My job from the jump has been to introduce my kids to a real Person; their eternal Source of love, care, oversight, communication, eternity, wholeness and zeal for living! Once I’ve made the introduction and I’m faithful to water the seeds of relationship through teaching them to speak to God and to hear Him in lots of different ways, to see how He communicates in the world, the Word, and in their quiet, private moments, once I show them how treasured and beloved they are, I can rest in the understanding that God is THEIRS! That I don’t have to micromanage my kids OR their receptivity to God.
In the Bible, Jesus makes it abundantly clear that it’s important that we be like little guys before the Father. That we stop attempting to parent ourselves, our own parents or our partners and give up the fear/shame/control cycle in favour of utter trust built through conversation (prayer) and maintaining connection and gratitude throughout our days (1 Thess. 5:16-18), no matter what they look like. This seems both impossible AND utterly liberating. I assure you, that with practice and pragmatism, through consistently keeping appointments with your Father and allowing Him to work in and around you, it. Will. Happen. Give Him what you can at the beginning of your day. “God, you are my Father. I’m your kid. I trust You. I’m open to allowing You to love me. You love my kids. You love my partner. I want to be free and to see/feel and understand You differently today. I love you, help me to love and lean on You more even when I’m busy or feeling overwhelmed. Amen”.
Is true Freedom just walking forward into life knowing that whatever comes down the pipe we’re surrounded, loved and protected by an uncreated, constantly active and omniscient Being who planned for, designed and intimately knows me and my needs far more than I ever could and is powerful and strong beyond all imagination? I believe it is, so sign me up. The alternative is exhausting and scary. I choose to exist inside of the column of Goodness and Grace that’s available to me. I am hungry for hunger and eager to build a deeper relationship with the One who is capable of showing me how to treasure and feed my people.
